HERE GOES NOTHIN'!

Haha, so I have decided to start a blog as I begin yet again, a new chapter of my life, the never ending weight loss battle.  I guess I really shouldn't complain, I have a strong testimony of where I come from, why I am here, and what my mission is in life.  My life long battle will always be my weight it seems.  Oh I've done weight watchers and been sucessful, until I stopped, I've done Jenny Craig, BLAH!, I've done diet pills, dr's aids and yep,, they all work, right until I stop.  Go figure! 

So what has changed this go round you ask? My inspiration.  My frustration.  Let's start with my frustration, weight loss surgery.  I have had a few close friends and family have various forms of this surgery done.  That is their choice.  Their decision.  And good for them!!  It isn't always successful though.  Although many people say it's the easy way out, it is hard work.  I have watched them struggle with not being able to eat ANYTHING, to throwing up, to sharing successes over NOT throwing up when eating something bland.  This is a decision that is not one I can make in good conscience. 

There is no one to blame but me for the size I am, or was,, (I'm down 17 lbs in 3 weeks), but me.  It's not God's fault, it's not my parents fault, its not the fault of my husbands kidney disease. No one is shoving the ice cream or chips or chocolate,, oh I miss good canadian chocolate, down my throat.  I do it.. I am a food addict.  I eat when I'm hungry, duh, when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I'm mad,,, nope that's when I clean,,, I'm not mad very often haha, when I'm frustrated, when I'm bored, when I'm awake,, yea let's go with that! When I'm awake!  And I honestly thought I was not eating that bad,, after all peanut butter is protein, honey is natural and a tortilla is not as bad as bread... yes this was my staple. Between working and running back and forth to St George, this is what I ate 90 % of the time.

I was sooo unhappy.  My husband could see it, and he tried to help, he would literally take the knife out of my hand and push me out of the kitchen and make me something like a freaking salad,, which takes way too much effort to eat when you are exhausted by the way.  I didn't care that he saw it.  He would tell me things like "you're beautiful, I love you, not your body, You amaze me, blah bblah blah."
He meant every last one of them too!! He really did.  But I didn't love myself... and until I loved myself no amount of verbal or physical love would help me.

In walks my parentals for a much needed visit... sorry Mum, I'm putting this out there....

AMAZEBALLS!  Seriously, they are both in their late 60's and have lost a combined total of 165 lbs!!!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I don't think my parents have ever set foot in a gym!! WTH?????  Mum and I would talk,and visit,  and bless her, she never once mentioned my weight, and how much I had gained.  I was embarrassed to be out in public with them.  I looked frumpy and gross.  And I felt just as bad.  She did ask me one day how much I weighed as I was getting into a pool, and I told her,,, hushedly, 263 lbs..... People, lets put that into perspective, I am only 5 foot 1, on a GOOD DAY!!  weighing 263, is NEVER A GOOD DAY!!!!  I was a freaking pumpkin, a bowling ball even!!  Mum just smiled and told me I would get there when I was ready! 

They headed home, and I stepped on the scale,,, WTH 267.something.... Can't blame it on company,, they ate right! I immediately sent my mum a message on facebook saying SHI* just got real!! HELP ME!!!

Since then I have been scouring the internet looking for what seems to be healthy recipes, and fun ways to incorporate foods like quinoa and chia seeds into my diet. 

I have a new best friend,,, 2 actually, and they are apps on my iphone,,, the first is called my fitness pal, OMGEEEE I love it!!!  I can scan a barcode on whatever I am eating and it inputs all the info for me!  It keeps track of my calories and how many I should eat each day and tells me what I will weigh if I eat like that for the next 5 weeks... AWESOMENESS!!

The 2nd one is called pacer, this one counts my steps and syncs with my fitness pal.  If I walk far enough I get extra calories that day,, enough for a treat.. (my favorite right now is frozen blueberries with a little redi whip on top and stirred together! YUMMMM)

I check in with my mum every sunday, because she is awesome and doesn't judge me when I slip and cheers me on with my successes!!!!!  

SERIOUSLY 17 lbs in 3 weeks,,, OH that skinny girl is right at the edge of my skin just waiting to come out!!! I should rename this blog the Healthy Girl,, but I can shut the skinny girl up with chocolate and I still lose weight, as long as I do appropriate rations!

So I am going to use this like a diary or journal of sorts.  I have so much going on in my life, like the rest of y'all, that sometimes, I just need to sit and think... and here I will do that... I will post pics monthly, *eye rolling* can't believe I just said that, and I will hopefully find recipes and what not to share with those who would like to join me on this journey! 

COME ON,, JOIN ME,,, IT'S GONNA BE A HELLOFA RIDE!!!!!!!